Disappointment 

I hate making plans because about 98% of the time I get my hopes up way to high only to get them crushed. It seems like everyone is willing to make plans with other people, but when it’s time for me, suddenly there’s no time, no money, and no commitment. 

This is definitely not a pity me post, I’m just venting because if not it will actually drive me crazy; more crazy than I am. 

I recently had planned a getaway trip, and honestly it’s my own fault, I shouldn’t have planned anything, but it’s not happening now. But I know if it were someone else, it would be. I can’t help but think there’s something wrong with me. Like I think I’m fun, I think I’m a good time, but maybe I’m truly not. 

I get such anxiety about inconveniencing people that I legit get sick over it. It’s not something I can control, it’s just a feeling I’ve always hated. But truly just for once I want someone to be like, “hey you know what, I’ll make it work don’t worry.” Or “hey, we are going to do, x y and z. I have planned everything just show up.” But unfortunately that isn’t how life works. Once I feel like the inconvenience I am, I just shut down and pull away from everyone. I make sure no one is close to me and just keep to myself. It’s what’s best. 

Unfortunately, this is life and I’ll go through it a thousand times more. 🤷🏽‍♀️ free weekend to just be alone per usual. 🙃

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